Moment 4 life

Wednesday. 11 days. 

Nicki Minaj’s song is my theme today. I wish that I could have this moment 4 life, 4 life, 4 life. Or as Drake says in that song and I tweeted this afternoon, “Everyone dies but not everyone lives.” In that vein, another line  from Tim McGraw,  All I want to do is let it be and be with you. On these last days (Last Day Of Class aka LDOC, what up!) leading up to graduation, the simple moments of just letting life be and simply existing, like these moments are the moments of our lives, is helping me to feel like every day is being celebrated to the fullest.

If you count that my Tuesday started at midnight, I started it at Topo with a friend; we like to go and sit on the balcony for hours on quiet evenings, over Franklin street, in the night air, and talk as the cars pass below. We both were busy and tired but we made time for “just an hour” together at our spot. The hour turned into 2 hours, past closing time, where the bartenders were joking with us and trying to lock the doors.  Let it be and be with you.

Then, I was lucky and happy today to have an excuse to do everything in heels today. I love, love, love a good excuse to wear heels all day. My honors ceremony for the department of English and Comparative Literature was the first good reason. There in Wilson Library with it’s column, stone, and the protective silence of wood paneling, we gathered to celebrate over 40 students who had finished honors theses in the department this year. The number of incredible titles of student’s work in the program is just inspiring: example A “The dissociative pattern: exploring the fraught limitations of the oppressive female body in contemporary American and Arabic literature;” example B “An Anatomy of Violence: Representations of Human Rights Abuses During the Pinochet Regime.” I could list them all, but you get the idea. Impressive. Intelligent. Carolina. Our poetry professor brought our class roses and bachelor buttons fresh cut from his garden and handed them to us with our gold cords and plaques.  I hugged him maybe 4 times during the course of 45 minutes, nostalgic for the great and beautiful year we’ve all had writing our theses together. And the English department had a nice supply of cannolis (what’s the plural of “cannoli” ?) as our reward. I totally recommend doing a thesis if for no other reason than cannolis.

My second good reason to wear heels all day was Senior Chapter with Phi Beta Chi.

But first, I must describe the feeling of walking out the door and down the hallway …  away from the last class of my undergraduate career.. It was a 5pm class, so by 6:15 when we were letting out, the halls were all empty and I stayed for a moment in the room finishing some things on my computer, so by the time I left,  I was one of the only ones still in the building. My heels in the hollow hallway felt like an ending. With each click, I was thinking of the ending but I was thinking of it peacefully, fulfilled, 4 years of memories in my body like, yes, college has been everything and more–everything worthwhile and difficult and hopeful and amazing. I am so at peace with it ending; I am so grateful for everything it has been. Then I was back 4 years ago, remembering going to my first class in college, an early morning honors French literature class and how that beginning never felt like it would lead me here, to who I am now. I never imagined who I would become. I never imagined everything I would do and be in college. Never. Yet, here I am, with so much to be grateful for and more than blessed at who I have become.

Afterward, I headed over to Senior Chapter up at our usual meeting place at the Nursing School. For the last time, I stood with my sisters and recited our creed. We stand for good scholarship, for the guarding of good health, for the maintenance of fine standards, for service to church and humanity and for the attainment of excellence in all our endeavors. And for the last time we sang and prayed together. Then, the seniors all stood up to give their advice to the underclassmen, advice that ranged from study less, play more, spend more time with your friends, enjoy every minute. I said, Revel. Revel in your studies, revel in your social life, revel in everything you do. Revel means joyous delight, merry-making, celebration. It comes from the root “to rebel” — be a good rebel who delights in life and everything around you. And I said, Remember you are capable, beautiful, and strong. You are your own expert and need to listen to you. I love all my sisters so much with their beautiful, shining faces, their hearts rooted in Christ and their genuine spirituality. These women are incredible and have sustained me for 3 years. I am so grateful for them. Then at the end, I held Christina’s hand in closing prayer beside me, like we’d done so many times before only this time it was the last time. Then, I hugged Deb, our sorority mom, and she cried. One of my sorority sisters comes up to me really excited and says she wants to get involved in antiviolence work like I’ve done and I’m like YES!!! I feel like it’s so beautiful every time someone wants to get involved with this work and it means even more to me when it’s my sister. We promise each other long messages exchanging information.

In the end, I ride back with Christina, Meghan, and Hannah and write this blog, getting ready to go celebrate two of my best friend’s birthdays– Christina and Elizabeth– and then study for my exams. Only 11 days left. Wish I could have these moments 4 life.

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